It has become clear that I cannot remain in this house without a lot more assistance, and that I cannot afford. I die inwardly a little each time I think about leaving this house, where we were so happy for 18 years, until Di's fatal illness struck. I think of the magic years, as the grandchildren arrived, and were welcomed into this house, with love and eagerness.

I feel deep, deep sadness, and have nobody with whom I can discuss it. It is not that I cannot find an alternative. We have discussed my living with one of my sons, and that is a possibility, but some changes in their houses would have to be made, to accommodate my needs e.g. stair rails and bars in the showers, etc.

Each day I pray for some miracle that would allow me to spend the rest of my days here, among my memories. On the day I say farewell to this house I know I will be a huge mess! It is such a loving place, full of such wonderful memories.

Since I last wrote I have had back surgery, Laminectomy L4,5, spinal fusion, plus foramenotomy and microdiscectomy, with good effect. Now I am walking a mile twice a day, with Ella, and without that awful pain I had pre-op. What I do with Ella is another unsolved problem. She is such a loving little thing, though she has her difficulties. I wish I understood more of what goes on in that little head of hers.

august 25th, 201 Pain is my middle name. It is particularly vicious pain  in my right buttock, and radiating down my right leg. I just could not manage at home and ended up here in KU Med Center. the neurosurgeon I had originally consulted would not admit me. But thanks to the humanity of an ER doctor I was admitted to a  medical service, for work up for fitness for anesthesia tomorrow I hoe to see a spinal orthopod who is highly recommended, and whom I will hope to ask to perform the necessary surgery. The original neurosurgeon  has all the empathy of a block of ice. I do not want him performing the surgery.

A New Problem

Since my last post, I have been afflicted with a ruptured disc problem, with sciatic pain radiating down the back and side of my right leg, (L4 and 5),.The pain has been severe and disabling, and causes me great difficulty in walking and taking care of things around the house, including the dog, without pain. I have some pain pills but they make me "woozy", nauseate me slightly, and are very constipating. What a fine situation to be in!

Have been doing small work outs at the gym, stressing extension of my back, with  Latissimus dorsi pull downs, quadriceps and hamstring exercises, with some relief. On Monday, I will see a PT at the gym, and start on a formal 4 week PT program, to see if the pain can be lessened or improved.

This has been probably the most disabling "illness" of my life, and threatens my future in this home. More later.

Getting on for two years

It is January 12th, 2012.  The campaign for the Republican Presidential nomination is in full swing in South Carolina. What fun Di would have had watching all the hoopla. She was always very insightful about current affairs .Next Sunday, our new Dean begins his ministry, and hopefully the Cathedral community can heal after about 15 years of turbulence, from one cause or another. He is a very caring person,and,we hope, can bring the parish together, to keep up its work. Each Sunday the Deacon dismiss us with the instruction, "Go in peace to love and serve the Lord". It is our hope to do just that.

Next week I will have the first of, we hope, many meetings of a singles group within our development. Life is for the living! It is time to live a little after a period of sadness. Love to all, Geoff