Death and Grieving

You see, my wife of 53 years died recently, after a long final illness, and I have been overwhelmed by grief. It is not only the grief, but the intensity of the associated emotions that took me by surprise. Well known British author C. S Lewis wrote, in 1961, after the death of his wife,

 "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me" A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis, 1961.

Indeed, it does feel like a severe concussion, like being hit between the eyes with a 2 x 4 - a stunned, mask like facial expression and a non-comprehension. Stinging tears start quickly and easily.  Quite apart from observing myself, I have seen that set, mask like face on other bereaved friends.

On Facebook, yesterday, a high school friend of my daughter wrote, "I didn't think I could live another day when M. died. Now, 12 years later our sons are married, and I am in love with a wonderful man". I hope this tortuous journey does not last 12 years for me, and our (now) grown kids.  Di was a wonderful companion, and a superb mother to our children, and grandchildren, and we all miss her intensely. She leaves a giant hole in our lives.

During the next week I hope to talk with two other bereaved people, and share experiences, One describes the "grief journey" as a tortuous path full of land mines. After 2 years she finds herself on a happier path, but still encounters unexpected "land mines".


In the next blog entry I will try to understand what neural connections cause these symptoms. and why they are so intense.