!

It is Tuesday, Nov 30th. It is my EfM night (Episcopal Education for Ministry). Previously, I have enjoyed this, for the fellowship, as well as the education. But right now, my heart is not in it. My mind is beset with the future, or potential lack of it, if the surgery does not go well. I can talk to Di spiritually, but that doesn't help nearly as much as our prior (live) talks, and analysis of risks and potential complications together.  How I wish I had a medically knowledgeable friend to talk to. But the bond or connection Di and I had, was forged, in trust, over 53 years. That will never happen again. This is just another example of the layers of losses that death of a loved spouse brings, to be grieved and mourned.

On a positive note, I did some "Book Fairy" shopping yesterday, and made out like a bandit at Borders,  39% off here etc. Made some good selections. Will have to have a day at home tomorrow to catch up with the house and bookkeeping. Have not got ahead of the latter since I came back from the trip. I know I will feel better when I can get that  caught up again. Tax season will soon be upon us, and all that needs to be up to date, for me: or for the kids if there is any problem with the surgery.

 It breaks my heart to think of even the slightest possibility of our kids losing both their parents within the same year. But I am doing everything I can to prevent such a catastrophe. I am going, deliberately, to arguably the best medical center in the world, the Mayo Clinic, where the medical culture is very results and patient oriented. I know, on the basis of past experience, that I will receive the best care from very considerate staff. John kids me and asks if we couldn't have at least one medical crisis during the summer, when it is easier to travel to Minnesota. I know it is difficult, and  I thank him so much for being there with me, and with both of us, last January. He has been so generous with us. Maybe I just need to stop wallowing in catastrophe!


I will relax a little bit, watch some of the local news,  and then head for EfM. More tomorrow, as I work my way through this mess. Thanks God for friends who like to visit and have coffee!  Peace and love be with you all. Geoff