Without the physical presence of Di and her love, I seem to have lost a lot of confidence. She was there always, and I think, we jointly felt that if there was an emergency, then the other would be there to support and help handle it. It was a stout platform on which to build confidence and self esteem. Now that is something I have lost, and, with it, a lot of confidence.
But my life and career has been a series of reestablishing credentials in a new environment, so, I guess this is yet another occasion where I have to reestablish my credentials as a single survivor. I wish I didn't have to, but there is no alternative. It is OK to talk about "going on alone" in those intimate near death conversations, but it really is rather difficult. When walking a trail one needs a map and a plan. I feel that I have lost both, and there are very few sign posts. If I keep walking and surround myself with love, I am sure I will find the way eventually, though I may land in a few thickets of despair along the way, from time to time. Maybe it is time to read "Pilgrim's Progress" again. Love and peace to all. Please pray for me as I take myself far out of my comfort zone, and begin my trip to Australia next Tuesday. Geoff.
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