Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Another "first!"

This first year after Di's death is going to be full of "firsts". The first "first", was Di's birthday on June 19th. Today was my birthday, and, for the first time in 54 years, my love was not part of it. She was always the principal celebrant, the card buyer, the special gift giver, and, most often,  the festive meal producer.  Need I say that I miss her greatly, especially on days like this.

Instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself, I volunteered for kitchen duty, along with  several others from the cathedral,  at Mission Paloosa, a gathering of Episcopal youth at St. Paul's Church on Main Street. It was nice to be with others, and then come home and get a very effusive welcome from Ella. One of the ladies drew me out a bit, and it was nice to be able talk a little about grief, (even with a little tearing), instead of feeling I have to bury it all the time. The local grandchildren were all competing in the All City Swim Meet, at Overland Park Pool. so they were all healthily busy. I'm glad I was also.

Still I am without drive, or enthusiasm.  I feel I am just drifting, and that I am the epitomy of procrastination. But I am getting some things done. The Quicken program is up to date, after the visit to Denver. There is still some filing to do, but I hope to have that finished tomorrow.

This morning, I was able to get up early and ride my bike, and I felt better for that. God bless those endorphins! Activity does do some good! With heat and storms though, it is hard to  find a time to do it. Even at 6:00 am this morning it was pretty hot and humid. A visit with the psychologist is planned for tomorrow, when I will lay a lot of this stuff on him, to see if he can give  me any direction. Till tomorrow, peace and love be with you all, and bind your hearts and souls with love. Geoff

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