Grief and fear

I continue to be surprised by C, S. Lewis's description of grief as being a lot like fear. Anxiety is a prominent feature. There is nothing specific of which I am afraid, but I am anxious all the time. It is difficult to settle and do things that require much cerebral effort. But I DO have to be doing things. It drives Ella crazy as she follows me from room to room, willing me to settle in one place, so she can also. In any case things are getting done slowly, and, I am reading a little.

Music at the Cathedral this morning was spectacular! A young, visiting Scottish organist played part of the service, and, as John Schaefer said "Hold on to your hats!" A soprano sang Handel's gorgeous "Let the Bright Seraphim", with trumpet obligato. But the Cathedral is still a very emotional place for me, and it is hard not to feel a little teary when I am there. I go to the spot where Di's ashes were interred and I talk to her. You understand that the conversation is very one sided. But the only way I can make sense of things is to believe that she is still with me, at least spiritually,and that her love surrounds me, and indeed the whole family. That, felt throughout our collective lives, will never disappear.

May such love surround any readers who are out there, and, through love, may peace come to you.   Geoff