Wrenching farewells

"Tis the season of wrenching farewells. Said goodbye to Dean Terry White this morning as he moves on to become Bishop of Kentucky. He conducted Dianne's funeral service, and had been a magnificent pastor to us during final Di's illness. He gave so freely of his time to us, and  was a sage counselor.

Unfortunately, some of the same music sung at Di's funeral service were sung this morning. So, it was doubly emotional, but I as able to sing through it, as I could not at the funeral service.

The chaplain from St. Luke's Hospice recently contacted me, and came out to see me. He was ordained at the church Betty and John used to attend in Auroura, in Denver. He left me with a book called "Life After Loss", which has been very validating about the gamut of emotions I have felt, especially forgetfulness in these early months. I was beginning to think I must have had a stroke, but had not recognized it.

I 'm now at the stage where I know I will get through this. My life with Di is over, is gone forever, and I have accepted that. But I have yet to find something to form what the book calls " A New Normal". So, the search goes on for meaning after loss.

Tomorrow, when the pharmacy can fill the Rx, I will start Effexor, an antidepressant, to see if that will help to lift me out of the doldrums, in which I find myself. There were  a lot of side effects from the hypertensive medication, and the cardiologist has halved that dose to see if that will work as well, with fewer side effects.  In the meantime all my flights for my return are booked, and I will be ready to leave, on August 10th, from KC.

I feel so bad for Ella, as she will have to go to the kennel for 7 weeks. But she will have the company of other dogs there, something she does not have at home. She follows me round from room to room, and welcomes me effusively when I return home after being out. She doesn't have to be in close contact with me, just in the same room. She is a sweet little soul.

So, there we are, on the road to somewhere, living the adventure, open to opportunities and experiences. We'll just have to see where life leads. Love to you all, and peace. Terry struggled to say the final blessing this morning. Farewells are hard.